satisfied.

i've become someone else...at first the change wasn't dramatic and it happened so slowly, almost like nothing was even happening...then all of a sudden a couple days ago something happened..like a bitch slap and everything just blew up right in my face...and that was the moment when i realized....

"oh my god. what did i do?"

i realized that everything i had been doing for the past couple months kept revolving around this one person. and i let this one person mold me into who they wanted me to be. and at first..i thought it was love...but now i see that what he was asking me to do was compromise. and in love you don't compromise to be with someone. that only means that they're not asking to be with you, they're asking to be with somebody else. and i can't be that girl anymore.

and how the hell did i ever even let myself get in this position? i mean.. WHO AM I? no one changes me unless i wanna change myself! so what was it that made me do it? my need for him? bullshit. i should have known from the very beginning that we as humans are put on this earth to learn to survive on our own. and we don't NEED anyone who happens to fall in our path...we simply WANT them there. and once you realize that they're somehow harming you..get rid of them...because they're nothing but poison in your life.

so what exactly do i label this "relationship" that i had? i call it EXPERIENCE. because the next time some guy just tries to walk all up in here like he owns me.. like i don't have feelings, and that what i want doesn't matter, you know what i'm going to say? GET TO STEPPING, FOOL.

honestly...i think i've transformed into a whole new me. one with thoughts, and feelings, and respect..not just for myself but for the things that surround me...life, family, people, friends...everything. and not that i didn't have all this before... i did. now it's all just on a higher level of thought. with what i had to put up with.. i now know that life doesn't always happen the way you plan it to be... so when life decides to change, change with it. who knows? the change may even be good! and if it's not, you might just learn something...

so...now here i am. again. alone. but satisfied. life isn't great. it could be better. but i'm satisfied. because when it comes down to it, it could be worse. and when you're like me...where you once had it all, then it all disappeared without a trace.. you're forced to move on with your life no matter what..

you're satisfied.