What keeps me going...

- From the Burnams, with love.

Out with the old...

...and in with the new! Isn't that what Spring is all about?

It's official! After Groundhog Day (Punxsutawney Phil.. how DO you do that?!), Spring has sprung and the weather has been more than fabulous the past two weeks. I've been eating better/working out more, working outside in the yard (let's face it, it's too nice to be inside) and clearing the clutter from my house. Generally speaking, I should feel better about life. So what is it that has me so down?

This is where I write a disclaimer. *What you are about to read is real. This is coming from ME, no one else. If you have any issues with what I am about to say, feel free to take them up with me personally. It is time that I set the record straight, so that I can move on. I am not taking this to an anonymous forum. I am not mentioning names. I am simply saying everything that I have wanted so badly to say, after being told for so long that I couldn't.*

For those of you who know what I do for a living, then I don't have to explain my frustrations. For those of you who don't: I'm a DJ for a popular local morning show/radio station that reaches out to our little community (and about 30 other surrounding counties). Most days, I love my job. I love having an outlet to talk, inform and entertain. I try to keep my personal life personal, though. That's where this blog comes in. This is my PERSONAL outlet. I keep my Facebook account positive, not naming/trashing/bashing anyone involved with any of the drama that certain people in our little town and a few outsiders have created. So, the answers to a few pressing questions:

1. We have been told to NOT address anything on the airwaves. THAT is why we have to ignore the questions and comments.
2. We wanted to change it the name of our show. We were told we could not.
3. Yes, I was "the reason."

Now, before any assumptions are made, don't worry. I will tell you the rest of the story.

In October 2010, an employee desperate for attention and drama created an emotional roller coaster within our company. His personal life was suffering, and we were paying for it. As a friend, I initially tried to help - but you can't help someone who won't help himself. I saw through the lies. I saw through the BS. Ultimately, I became tired of being harassed. For those who think I "brought this on myself," or that I "knew what kind of person he was" to begin with... no, that's not the case at all. Yes, he is a flirt. Yes, he flirted with me.  I turned a blind eye and deaf ear to the comments, confident in my marriage and as a human being (not to mention I was never attracted to him "that" way). As time went on, I began responding to his comments with "I'm married." End of story.

THESE ARE THE FACTS:

• I never gave him any reason to talk to me the way he did. 
• I never gave him any reason to conjure up fantasies of us being together. 
• I never had ANY kind of sexual contact with him. 
• My husband didn't "find text messages between the two of us and threaten to leave and take my children" like what has been alleged.

I did, however, genuinely care for him as a friend. I felt sorry for him (to begin with) because I felt like deep down inside there, somewhere, he was human. I stuck up for him repeatedly, even though I shouldn't have. Then, everything changed. After multiple break-ups with his then girlfriend who was pregnant with his potential child, he snapped. I watched him lie to my face. I watched him pick fights with another employee. He picked fights with me. I have been cussed out. I have been verbally and emotionally abused, sexually harassed, and thrown under the bus (anonymously, of course).

MORE FACTS:

• I went to our General Manager to file a complaint about the sexual harassment. He assured me that the problem could be handled internally, with no reason to file a formal complaint with the EEOC. If another incident occurred, termination would follow.
• The very next day (after the issue was supposedly "handled") I returned to work, hopeful that things would be different. They weren't. I was only there for 30 minutes before the harassment continued, so I left and went to meet again with our GM. I was told that the issue would be handled (again).
• After our meeting, termination was no longer an option. My GM told me that he could be reassigned within the company, and asked me if that was okay with me. I said no, and attempted to resign. I was asked not to.
• I took a week off from work while things were "handled." I didn't know what was going on, no one told me. He was arrested (again) during my week off, and was asked to resign.

I have text messages and emails to back up the facts. That's why he has apologized to me multiple times and told me he cares about me (still), although he continues to bash me to other people and on anonymous forums. I am sick of it. I want to move on from this. I want to love my job again. I want to love myself again. I have struggled with this being what some said was "all my fault," but it's not. This is his fault, a result of his actions. I stood up for myself when I couldn't take it anymore. No, my GM wouldn't hire him back. Yes, they are scared that I'm going to sue them. I told them I wasn't. I told them that I didn't want his job. I just wanted to not be harassed anymore.

There. Out with the old.

A World To Believe In

When Joey and I first met I mentioned in one of our earliest conversations that I really was interested in Celine Dion's newest album (Taking Chances) because it had a totally upbeat feel to it. He surprised me with it on Valentine's day. I was totally shocked, because a) he remembered that I wanted it and b) after listening to the songs on it kind of became our soundtrack (to me, at least).

I absolutely love all the songs on the CD, but while cleaning this morning a song came on that I haven't listened to in a while and it totally has a new meaning to me now. It's called A World to Believe In, and after two years of being together and one year of marriage we have learned a lot, but there is more to come. Here are the lyrics and maybe they'll speak to you, too.

A World To Believe In

I've seen the tears and the heartache
And I've felt the pain
I've seen the hatred
And so many lives lost in vain

And yet through this darkness
There's always a light that shines through
And takes me back home, takes me back home

All of the promises broken
And all of the songs left unsung
Seem so far away
As I make my way back to you

You gave me faith
And you gave me a world to believe in
You gave me a love to believe in
And feeling this love
I can rise up above
And be strong, and be whole once again

I know that dreams we hold on to
Can just fade away
And I know that words can be wasted
with so much to say

And when I feel helpless
There's always a hope that shines through
And makes me believe
And makes me believe

And I see for one fleeting moment
A paradise under the sun
I drift away
And I make my way back to you

You gave me faith
And you gave me a world to believe in
You gave me a love to believe in
And feeling this love
I can rise up above
And be strong
and be whole once again

Life goes on
Can leave us with sorrow and pain
And I hold on
To all that you are
To all that we'll be
And I can go on once again

You gave me a love to believe in
You gave me a love to believe in
And feeling this love I can rise up above
And be strong
And be whole
Once again

You gave me a love to believe in
You gave me a love to believe in
And feeling this love
I can rise up above
And be strong
And be whole
Once again

'Cause your love
Heals my soul
Once again

I can live I can dream
Once again
'Cause you made me believe