goodnight good knight

from behind the sunset a horse pranced up with you in tow.
you threw me over your shoulder without a second guess,
and drove me to love you against my will (at first).

now that we've come this far i'll admit:
i knew what what happening. i had an idea.
pretending to be dumb can at times assist you,
says the pretty girl with a past too dark to speak of.

too good to be true?
    yes.
                                     and no.

yes, because you are. no, because you're real.

you've taught me that there are such things as second chances...
    in life and in love.
you've taught me that it's okay to depend on someone...
    for happiness and sanity.
you've taught me that we really are born with half a soul...
    and that the other half lies within someone created for you by Him.

i've always been content with just being me.
me alone.

now you've either ruined me or created me..
    and for once in my life i'll be just fine not knowing which is true.

love can be a demon.
love can be your wildest dream.
    and for once in my life i know which one is true.

dreams come true...

dream come true

i'm a new mother.
woohooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm not going to lie: labor was difficult for me. i had a few minor complications, but i did it! and aidan was born beautiful and perfect. initially i hadn't wanted anyone in the delivery room with me... but at the last minute i realized that i honestly didn't think i could do it by myself. with the help of some amazing nurses and my doctor... my mom and joey (i love you both so much)... we did it.

we were discharged from the hospital at midnight on sunday (may 11th).. talk about an amazing first mother's day! since we've been home, aidan has been the BEST baby... and i'm not just saying that because he's mine. he is so unbelievably sweet-- not to mention he's absolutely gorgeous! i have two absolutely amazing men in my life.. one is my future husband and one is my son. i could not imagine life without either one of them.

it's kind of funny how everything works out in life, huh? when i first found out i was pregnant, i never would've imagined that i would be where i am today. the past 6 months (and the 4 before that) have been absolutely amazing. i fell in love with myself first, and finally accepted the fact that i would be okay by myself.. and then God sent this amazing man to love me and my son, and he does an amazing job. he's the best father.. my best friend.. and honestly, my dream come true.

i guess i'm writing this for someone... i don't know who you are.. but i just want everyone to know that no matter how rough it gets, stay strong in your faith and believe in yourself. you'll come out on top, always.

anything is possible (if you have enough nerve)

the hospital bag is packed.
the carseat, stroller, diapers, clothes... they're all ready.
the day is drawing nearer...

ok, i know technically i am already a mother.
i know aidan is alive and well, but that's on the inside...
but i will actually get to see him soon.

ahhhh. it's so nervewracking. i've been dealing with "am i in labor?" issues, joey is on standby pretty much 24/7... as is the rest of the family. in the meantime, i think i'm the only one who has been acting as if everything is normal. i've been working, cleaning, driving... all of the things someone who is 9 months pregnant should NOT be doing. well... maybe just not so much.

it's hard to believe that i am in week 36. my body has completely devoted itself to little aidan and this pregnancy for nine whole months. it seems like just yesterday i found out i was pregnant. time flies so fast, and i certainly never thought i would be where i am today. happy. 142987348724% happy.

abby, my best friend in the whole wide world (happy birthday to you, by the way!) has been my saving grace. her love for children has really helped me embrace what once was just a "situation" to what is now the life i am in love with. through thick and thin (mood swings and cravings) she has stuck by me. it's amazing, as is she. she is going to be the most wonderful aunt BB in the whole entire world.
joey & ansleigh.. they are my fairy tale. i could not have dreamed up a better twosome. joey came unexpectedly, and you can ask anyone, i was more than apprehensive. i knew that i would never find anyone to love me AND my son equally.

never say never.

he brought ansleigh into my life, and i can only hope that aidan is as amazing as she is. she has been my sunshine, and i fell in love with her and joey both in a short time.

no, we haven't known each other for years and years, and yes, we were both at very vulnerable points in our lives, but you know what? it is when you are at your lowest that you look up; there is nowhere else to gaze.

i had fallen out of love with the world, and in love with myself, simply because i had no one else. i had aidan of course, but in the beginning i was very scared, very unsure... did i say scared? the first time i heard his heartbeat, and now every time i feel him kick.. i fall in love all over again. soon, those movements will stop and i will have a living, breathing, kicking, screaming, crying, laughing, pooping baby. then, with every movement he has in this crazy world.. i will fall in love again, and again, and again.
with him not here yet, it's kind of hard to process.
so far, i haven't had one emotional breakdown about this pregnancy.
i haven't cried, been upset. nothing. it's kind of like it isn't happening to me....
but as i begin to think about what his birth will be like,
seeing his face, smelling his skin...
i tear up.

i am so very fortunate to have my wonderful family and friends... and aidan will just complete the package. i'm sure i will have another blog in a few weeks/months (depending on how busy i am, haha) about how it is totally different than anything i could ever imagine. i can't really process what it will TRULY be like yet.... but all i can say is:

i am finally ready.