"I love you, mama."

*I will go ahead and preface this blog with an apology - it has been six months since my last blog. I really must do better. It's up to you (whoever you may be) to keep me accountable. Also, a huge thanks to my very best friend KMMMM, because she has inspired me to write this.*

My daughter is now almost seven months old. Where does the time go? Becoming a parent makes your life go by so much faster. Things, irrelevant things.. once so important are now just a memories, fading to black in the background of reality. I always said I didn't know what I would do with a little girl - but the answer revealed itself to me the very first time I saw her. Love her. That's what I'll do. Because if I love her, then everything else will work itself out, right?

This is not a blog about Alivia, although she makes me a better mother (and person in general) with every smile and giggle. (But now that I think about it, maybe a blog for her will come after this one.) This blog is about Aidan, my knight in shining armor, who saves me every day.

When I found out I was pregnant with Aidan, shocked is an understatement. Little did I know how this little boy would change my life. From his first word to the first ER visit, I have tried to soak up every ounce of him and show him every day how much I love him. Although he changed my life, I have no doubts and no regrets that he was the right decision. I shower this little boy with kisses because I know one day he won't want me to. I tell him I love him with almost every breath, because I know one day he will hate me (or say it in a fit of anger at least). He has made me want to be better, more active, more involved, more everything. Now that he is walking, talking, laughing, playing and becoming an individual instead of my little hip-hugger, he can tell me what he did during the day at school. He can count to 10 (even though sometimes he skips five), say his ABCs (with a little help, of course), tell me who he played withat school and that he loves "his Day-mee and Ammar" (Jamie and Amber, his teachers). He gives me "big kisses," which means he squeezes my cheeks with his fingers so hard they're sore before he plants a big, juicy wet one on my lips. I eat, sleep and breathe this child. He is a part of what makes me whole.

A few months ago I was having a really tough day. Exhausted (which is normal for me given my schedule) and irritated, I was probably a bit snappy that day. Maybe, just maybe, I didn't want to be bothered. I needed some alone time (is that so much to ask?!?). I had just put Alivia down for a nap, and finally got to take a breather myself. I sat in the rocking chair in our living room to relax, when Aidan ran up to me from the playroom. Surely, he wanted a cup. Or some gummies. Surely, he wanted SOMETHING. But no. What was hands down the best dose of medicine I could have ever received, Aidan looked at me with his big blue eyes and said, "I love you, Mama." He jumped in my lap, gave me a big squeeze and a "big kiss," and ran back into the playroom like nothing had ever happened. I almost had to pinch myself. Did my two-year-old really just INTENTIONALLY make me feel better? How could he have possibly known what I was feeling? Then, it hit me. I carried this little person inside my womb for nine (practically ten, but who's counting?) months. He IS, and always will be a part of me. He saved me. Every day, he saves me.

I've always heard, "Never underestimate a mother's love for her child." But now, oh now.. I live that every day. There is nothing I don't do for them. I want my children to be proud to call me their mother. I want them to understand (though they probably won't until they are parents themselves) that the only true, unconditional love is that of a parent. Until the end of time I will cherish every "I love you, mama." I don't understand how any mother couldn't.

Aidan, I just want you to know that I have always loved you, even before I knew you existed. Before you, I was nothing important. Nothing special. But you - you have helped make me who I am. My hope is that I leave behind (for you and your sisters) something to be proud of. All I ask, all I can hope, is that you never stop saying "I love you." Forever and ever, Mama


- From the Burnams, with love.

Introducing Alivia Grace

So the wait is over, and our absolutely amazing, perfectly perfect baby girl is finally here. Wow! What an experience. Before I go on and on about how amazing she is, let me give you all a step-by-step of what happened this week...

Tuesday (4/13/10) - Tuesday morning I had a doctor's appointment (which I was hoping would be my last). At 38 weeks and 2 days pregnant, I knew at this appointment Dr. Diamond was going to check my progress and see if I had dilated any. Much to our surprise, I was almost 3CMs! Also, when he checked me, he stripped my membranes (something I'd only heard of) and it kind of freaked me out a bit. Dr. D told me to go home, pack, and walk, and that he thought we'd see some kind of action in the next 24 hours. We notified our mothers (who live the farthest away) and the rest of our family members... Aidan and I came home... I cleaned the kitchen, we walked for a little over an hour... and while I was waiting to see/feel some kind of change all I got was a big fat nothing. Nada. No contractions (that I could feel.. or so I thought) and as far as I knew my water hadn't broken. Joey put the bags in the car (just in case) but I really felt no different. So, a little discouraged, I went to bed.

Wednesday (4/14/10) - After being up all night with constant pressure in my hip bones, back pain, indegestion of the worst kind, peeing, and several other gross things I'll leave to your imagination.... I told Joey when he got up and was leaving for work that I was going to call the doctor as soon as the office opened and just ask what I should do. I still didn't feel any different (all the thing I listed above were pretty much normal at that point) but something inside me told me I should just call. So, I did.. about 8:30. I talked to the nurse and told her what was going on but that I wasn't having any contractions so I didn't know if I should take the way I was feeling seriously. She told me to just come in and they would check my progress again. So, Aidan and I ate some breakfast, got dressed, and headed to town to meet Joey.

We waiting at the doctor's office for a while (it was packed when we got there) and finally they sent us to a room. Meg (the PA) came in to check me, and she said I was close to 4CMs. They talked to Dr. D and he decided to put me on a monitor to check and see if I was having regular contractions. Joey, Aidan and I went back to the VIP section of the doctor's office (we say this because there are two recliners and a flatscreen TV, lol) where they hooked me up. We watched Winnie the Pooh and after about an hour on the monitor the nurse came in and took the papers to show Dr. Diamond. While she was gone I told Joey that I would just go to WalMart and walk around... he said he was going to the office to eat his lunch... and then, *KNOCK KNOCK* - she opened the door.

"Well, Dr. Diamond wants to go ahead and admit you, so I'm going to go get the paperwork ready if that's okay."

I bet the looks on our faces were priceless. We had no idea. Then the shock and awe set in. Then we frantically started calling everyone. I was mad that I hadn't packed my laptop (LOL). We were trying to figure out where Aidan was going to go. What Joey was going to do about work. How my mom was going to get here (she's without a car at the moment). When his mom was going to leave Savannah. Gosh, there are a ton of things you don't think about until it really is time.

Wednesday (LUNCH) - We drove over to the hospital to wait for Grandma Lori to come pick Aidan up. After we said our goodbyes we took our bags to admissions, where they already had my paperwork ready. We waited for the wheelchair to come pick me up, and they rolled me to Labor & Delivery Room 1. We got in and got situated, and the nurses hooked me up to monitors and the IVs. We were told that Dr. Diamond was going to come over and check me out (again) and possibly break my water, but we figured it would be later in the afternoon or after his office closed. Nope. About 1:30ish he came over and broke my water. They started me on Pitocin shortly after, and the contractions got much stronger and much, MUCH closer together. My nurse (Debra.. who was absolutely FABULOUS and I owe her many thanks) told me her shift ended at 7 and I needed to get a move on. Lol. Waiting... contractions got stronger... people were coming to visit in and out, but I tried to zone everything out and just focus on getting from one contraction to another. They kept asking if I wanted an epidural, but I was scared (based on my experience with Aidan) that it would slow my labor down, so I toughed it out as long as I possibly could. To the best of my knowledge I asked for it sometime after 4-- I had to sign some things and wait for the anesthesiologist to get there, and in the process the contractions were really strong. I think I finally got it around 4:30-45... and at first it didn't work. Finally, the anesthesiologist brought in something to speed up the process, and sometime after five (I think about 5:15-30) I was FABULOUS. No pain whatsoever, and I felt wonderful. Debra (the nurse) then decided since my pain was managed that she was going to check and see how far I'd progressed. It was just me and Joey in the room (mom and Autumn had walked to the car) and we were honestly expecting to be 6-7 CMs at most. Worried that it'd slow my labor, we were prepared for the worst. Debra checked me, and I was totally and completely DILATED. 10 CMs +1 (the +1 is the position of the baby's head, which Alivia's was already IN THE BIRTH CANAL). She told me NOT to push, AT ALL.. because she didn't want to catch a baby. Haha. The nurses called the doctor.. and we waited. Mom got back, I tried to tell her I was still 4 CMs to freak her out, but it didn't work.. I couldn't fake being disappointed. I was too excited! We waited for Dr. D, who we finally learned was in the sleep room watching Snapped on TV, lol) to get there, and he did at around 5:56. They told me to push, and about 2 1/2 pushes later (at precisely 5:58PM... I know, because I called the time myself.. lol) Alivia Grace was here. The first thing I noticed was her hair. HOLY COW! I hadn't really had any heartburn whatsoever, so I was in complete and total shock that she had a head full of dark locks! And to think, I was worried about being able to put a bow on a bald head. Lol. Anyways, so Alivia was born.. we all joked and laughed and I was relieved. I couldn't believe how easy it had been. They took her to clean her up- or more like wipe her off- and then handed  her back to us immediately. We wanted Ansleigh and Aidan to meet her before anyone else, so they came in first. They both were very excited (and still are) and I can't believe how good they've been with her so far. Then the rush of the crowd came in... everyone congratulating us and asking how it was for me. Overall, it was a fabulous experience and I am so happy I was able to enjoy the entire process.

We stayed in the hospital for 24 hours and 30 minutes (and really not one second longer) because there are certain tests for newborns that have to be done at 24 hours. We left the hospital around 6:30PM on Thursday, April 15th, and headed home. It is now Saturday, and Alivia has truly been  a joy. She's already on a 10-2-6 schedule, hasn't spit up on me once (though I'm sure that's going to change) and is an absolutely amazing baby. She's quiet unless she's wet/cold/hungry and is currently snoozing the day away. Yesterday we had a relaxing day with no visitors, but tonight we are grilling for the entire family. :)

Having Alivia has really changed my perspective on life (again). I now look at my husband with a fresh pair of eyes- it's amazing that this little girl we created has made life absolutely perfect. We now are a party of five; before we were missing a piece but didn't know it. Now she's here, and the puzzle is complete. I am truly blessed.

It's almost over!

WELCOME TO WEEK 37! First and foremost, happy belated Easter to you all! :)
I hope your holiday was full of family and faith. Ours definitely was...

as we spent Saturday hunting eggs with all Ansleigh & Aidan's cousins.. 

L to R: Christopher (5), Matthew (1), Jase (2), Mason (7 months), Ansleigh (6), Noah (1) and Aidan (1). 

They had so much fun searching for the 100+ eggs we hid at Aunt Fallon & Uncle Chris' house!

Secondly, WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE? Our 37 week appointment was this morning, and what a doozy.

Dr. Diamond said everything "looked" good, although he didn't do any actual looking just yet (we'll save that for next week). We heard Alivia's heartbeat, that sweet, sweet music, and everything seems to be going smoothly. He also told me that I had "dropped," which I could already tell based on this week's picture vs. last week's. We talked about the future, which is rapidly becoming the present, and although we won't know anything definitely until next Tuesday at 10:30 we might possibly have a baby much sooner than April 25th. Scary? Yes. Exciting? Yes.

I'm adding some pics of our baby girl's room... it's almost finished. ALMOST! Haha. Maybe (hopefully) it will be ready by the time she decides to arrive.

I've just put the kids to bed for the night and the house and Burnamville are equally quiet. With my husband gone to Savannah to take his insurance exam in the morning (good luck, babe!), Grandpa & Grandma gone to Jamaica for the week, Aunt Nicole not staying around tonight (she's due with baby Reese at the end of May, plus she has Jase to deal with) and my sister gone to the beach for a few days, I am a nervous wreck. It hasn't really hit me that I could go into labor at any given time until today/tonight. I keep telling myself that God wouldn't be so cruel, though.. because me having to drive myself and the kids to the hospital while in labor would be a sick, sick joke (but I guess a good story to tell one day). So, I think I'm really going to take it easy the rest of the evening, go get in bed, and try to go to sleep. I've been cleaning since I got home with the kids today, and I'll admit I've got pain in my hips/legs and up my back that is a little more intense than usual.

Until next Tuesday... unless we have a baby by then! :)

- From the Burnams, with love.