insomniac.

your breathing keeps me awake at night
try as i might
i cannot ignore it
but tonight you're not next to me
where could you be/where you could be
maybe when you're there with her
you feel my emotions, they stir
and i bleed
from the inside of my head
until i can't, until i'm dead
not physically, no, you see
just dead enough not to be
alive in your life
gone from what was to what is not
from what you wanted to what you thought
i'm not sure you'll ever find
what you seek is in my mind
and it's all made up
do i mean the emotions are lies
do i mean they never existed in this life
or could it possibly be that
i can't stand it any longer, can't
watch you grow to love her
when that smile should be mine
and your lips i should find
on my forehead, not hers
my cheek, with my tears
my hopes of us
my dreams are lies and
my love knows no end
you can speak of all these things but you do not know
and rightfully so
but how can we learn
how will we know what cannot be
if you will not allow our hearts to see
i hate ultimatums but as i now know
sometimes they're the only way out
and when it hurts
is when it's worth it
and if it doesn't.............
then it's not.