Everything.

"You see everything,
You see every part.
You see all my light,
and you love my dark.

You dig everything
of which I'm ashamed.
There's not anything
to which you can't relate...
And you're still here."

This probably won't be a happy-peppy post, as lately I've been dealing with some emotions that I'm not really used to.

I like to think I'm a generally happy person. I am absolutely beyond blessed and I recognize that and cherish that, but lately I've been battling some "inner demons" and I'd like to just get them all out on paper so to speak, and move forward in this amazing thing that we call life.

I've come to a point in my life where I realize my self-worth. I know how I should be treated. I expect to be respected. I also know how to treat others. There are some that don't know the value of their own self, though, and in turn they repeatedly try to tear others down. I could list many examples, but I'm not going to point fingers at anyone. Let's just say that over the past few months I have felt myself straying from what I know and believe, and I'm guilty of letting my environment change me. I'm going to do something about it, though. I am going to be proactive, and do something now instead of later. My surroundings have been negatively affecting my life, marriage, emotions, and possibly even pregnancy (I've been having some issues lately, but no worries.. Alivia & I are alright!), and I will not stand for it any more.

God has provided for us in what we considered to be a tough time, though I know many others have it worse. In the past month my family has seen many changes. We have had to consider uprooting to look for work for Joey, and bless his heart, he has filled out enough applications to make your head spin. After being let down by two trucking companies who he thought he had a guaranteed spot with (but was turned down because of a speeding ticket he got two years ago), he's found a job that's close to home and will have him home pretty much every night. I've been working myself to death, going to school (and missing bath time to do homework), and neglecting my husband because I simply don't have time. That is all about to change. I want to be the best mother, wife, and student. I want to do it all, but there are limitations as to what you can take mentally, and I'm beyond exhausted.

This time, I am willingly shutting the door and taking on a new chapter in my life...

...because my husband is by my side through it all. I know in my heart that with these changes and crucial decisions our family will be alright. I believe that we are taking steps in the right direction for happiness, success, and love. Family is the most important thing we have in this life, and I will not take this time for granted.

Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,

And mortal life shall cease,

I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace

- From the Burnams, with love.