the hospital bag is packed.
the carseat, stroller, diapers, clothes... they're all ready.
the day is drawing nearer...
ok, i know technically i am already a mother.
i know aidan is alive and well, but that's on the inside...
but i will actually get to see him soon.
ahhhh. it's so nervewracking. i've been dealing with "am i in labor?" issues, joey is on standby pretty much 24/7... as is the rest of the family. in the meantime, i think i'm the only one who has been acting as if everything is normal. i've been working, cleaning, driving... all of the things someone who is 9 months pregnant should NOT be doing. well... maybe just not so much.
it's hard to believe that i am in week 36. my body has completely devoted itself to little aidan and this pregnancy for nine whole months. it seems like just yesterday i found out i was pregnant. time flies so fast, and i certainly never thought i would be where i am today. happy. 142987348724% happy.
abby, my best friend in the whole wide world (happy birthday to you, by the way!) has been my saving grace. her love for children has really helped me embrace what once was just a "situation" to what is now the life i am in love with. through thick and thin (mood swings and cravings) she has stuck by me. it's amazing, as is she. she is going to be the most wonderful aunt BB in the whole entire world.
joey & ansleigh.. they are my fairy tale. i could not have dreamed up a better twosome. joey came unexpectedly, and you can ask anyone, i was more than apprehensive. i knew that i would never find anyone to love me AND my son equally.
never say never.
he brought ansleigh into my life, and i can only hope that aidan is as amazing as she is. she has been my sunshine, and i fell in love with her and joey both in a short time.
no, we haven't known each other for years and years, and yes, we were both at very vulnerable points in our lives, but you know what? it is when you are at your lowest that you look up; there is nowhere else to gaze.
i had fallen out of love with the world, and in love with myself, simply because i had no one else. i had aidan of course, but in the beginning i was very scared, very unsure... did i say scared? the first time i heard his heartbeat, and now every time i feel him kick.. i fall in love all over again. soon, those movements will stop and i will have a living, breathing, kicking, screaming, crying, laughing, pooping baby. then, with every movement he has in this crazy world.. i will fall in love again, and again, and again.
with him not here yet, it's kind of hard to process.
so far, i haven't had one emotional breakdown about this pregnancy.
i haven't cried, been upset. nothing. it's kind of like it isn't happening to me....
but as i begin to think about what his birth will be like,
seeing his face, smelling his skin...
i tear up.
i am so very fortunate to have my wonderful family and friends... and aidan will just complete the package. i'm sure i will have another blog in a few weeks/months (depending on how busy i am, haha) about how it is totally different than anything i could ever imagine. i can't really process what it will TRULY be like yet.... but all i can say is:
i am finally ready.
